Mood: Romantic // In Pain // Inspired // Musical
Reason: Something... most of you know. // My arms // Wrote a poem. // Sweetbox <3

Listening To: Liberty; Sorry; 1000 Words; Far Away; Chyna Girl :: Sweetbox

Hyped On: Music; GetBackers; "I, Lucifer"; Angels, Demons, The Divine & The Occult; Kazuki
Wanting To: Watch GB ; Read ; Talk to Nessi ; Go to school


Hello yet again. I have been posting regularly lately, I believe... So I'll probably try to keep it up for the next few weeks. I'm not saying I will, I'm saying I'll try. So don't nag at me for not posting during a week or more saying 'You said you would!' or anything of the sorts.

This weekend was (or has been since it's not quite over yet) fairly uneventful. Except for Friday but I'm not sure that really counts as weekend... I took my free afternoon (a free afternoon is when you don't have classes in the afternoon; there are also free mornings but I don't have any) and went shopping with Yuna in Colombo. We didn't buy too many things, just a few CDs, matching plaid red ties with a crown and matching pins. But then we got this makeshift on-the-spot plan to get her to sleep over that night. We called our parents and bang. She slept over.
We watched Sleepy Hollow. It's an amazing movie <3 I, personally, adored it. Yuna slept through half of it but I couldn't bring myself up to awaking her. She's not used to sleeping only a couple of hours ^^; We spent half of Saturday together until she went back home. Mom and Dad were out of the house from 2pm to 10pm... I was alone for five hours (Yuna left at 5pm).  Not that it mattered much, I enjoy being alone and it's not like I do anything I don't do when there's people in the house.

Well. Now that the data report is over, I will dedicate this post to talking about feelings. Yes, I know "Geez, she's such a girl, always going on about how she feels and whatever. We don't really care, goddamnit!". *sigh* That's the reason why none of my guy friends read my blog ^^; Oh well. I couldn't really care less, since I know my best friends do read it.
So, anyway, here it goes:

Feelings

Hate

I don't think I can say I have ever hated anyone. I think it's so hard to hate someone. It's true, I dislike things people do, and there are some people I don't like... But to the point of hating? I don't think so. Everyday, you go around and you hear most people just going "God, I hate that guy!" "I hate her!" and things of the sort. Don't you all think the word hate is a bit too strong? Hatred is something not to be joked about. Honestly, I can't seem to understand how people find it so easy to hate one another. In all 15 years of my life (I know it's not much), I have never felt hatred for anyone... Why do I find it so hard when it's so easy for everyone else? Am I simply too soft? Or are other people too spiteful?
Too much evil in this world is created through Hatred. Is it that hard to reject that feeling? Because I find accepting it a much harder thing to do.

Sadness

Something so easily attained and that so easily destroys us. It can come to you for any reason, in any way, in various degrees of depth. I can personally admit I feel sad most of the time, for various reasons: thinking of things I shouldn't, worrying over others, sad events, etc. Many people succumb to sadness and eventually let themselves be consumed by it. This is what I believe depression to be. The loss of happiness. The loss of will to live. The loss of ability to smile or enjoy anything. And, sometimes, as it has happened to me, the loss of ability to cry. It's alright to give in to sadness. It is nothing to be ashamed of, unlike what most people think. It's okay to be sad, it's okay to accept things aren't right. But we must be strong, and even if we cry, we mustn't let ourselves be tricked into suicide. Because even though you're sad now, who knows you won't become happier in a year or two? Would you really waste decades of possible happy moments, laughter, love... Just to stop that one pain? I understand those who think about suicide, at least those I know whose lives consist of... well, basically, a lot of crap. But please, don't kill yourselves. Probably, good things will come your way... And if you ever think of giving in to sadness, think of this: there are people who love you deeply... would you throw away your life just to heal your pain and end up causing an even greater pain to the people you love? Wouldn't that be selfish?
There's nothing else I can say on this subject... Only one other thing:
Cry your heart out when you want to. It's okay to cry. Because it just shows you're human, like everyone else, and not a heartless b*tch.

Loneliness

Something that torments me without having a reason to. There are many kinds of lonely - feeling that you have no friends, feeling romantically alone, feeling that no one cares for you... Just like sadness, it's okay to feel lonely. It doesn't mean that you don't appreciate the people who care for you, it just means you feel cold inside for no particular reason. And if you're really lonely... well, there's nothing to explain there. I feel lonely all the time, I know it's stupid because I have so many friends I care about and who care for me... but just like I said, it's natural... I guess the kind of lonely I feel is the romantically lonely kind. Because I've never been in a relationship, nor have I ever been in love... And being the romantically-obsessed person I am, it's the thing I crave most in this world - love. Yet I will never have it. So, it's okay to feel lonely even when you're not. I understand it perfectly, I've been there. There's this cold taking over you, starting in your lungs and spreading to your back and arms... And you find yourself wishing so hard for a hug from anyone.
Cling to those you love, who love you back. Life is a gift, enjoy it surrounded by those important to you.

Love

The final one. The most elusive, the most confusing, and The One To Rule Them All.
I can't talk about it. I've never known love... But I'm not sure if I have been feeling it lately. Everyday, all the time, I feel confused, sad and excited, all at the same time. I find myself longing earnestly for the few minutes that I can be near him and that I can hear him speak and see him smile... I've known him for so little time, so it's probably just a crush completely based on appearances. But I can't bring myself up to eating properly - I'm not hungry anymore - and I can feel like crying and shrieking in excitement in the same minute. It's something so rare, true love, and the tricky thing is... when it's finally there in front of you, you might not even notice and let it go. That's the thing that scares me the most... And that I don't wish for anyone to go through.

You get butterflies in your stomach when you see that person.
You can't bring yourself up to talking to him/her.
You dream of that person, even when you've only known him/her for a few days.
You think of that person most of the time, and you don't know why.
You're feeling so many things at once, you've never felt like that before.
You look for that person in a crowd, no matter where you are.
You long to see that person the next day, even if you're not going to talk to that person.
You wonder if that person is going through the same as you.
You wonder if that person has anyone to call their own.
You wish for that person to smile at you.

This is what I think of love. And if this is all true... then I'm in for a feared yet expected surprise.


Never let yourself go. You are what you feel. But there are some feelings you must fight against, and some feelings you must fight for. Be true to yourself, and never forget who you are.


Now, I leave you with something I wrote: